Well it’s been a week since my last post and between a few days off and a couple truly uneventful shifts, I figure I would throw together a few of the “highlights” or “lowlights” depending on how you look at it with you guys. Let’s break it down day by day over the past few evenings.
Saturday was a pretty busy morning shift and as usual I was rushed by the morning perv’s pounding and pulling at the door from the moment I was spotted arriving at the shop. After finishing a cigarette while being watched over with baited breath by a anxious booth patron. I decided to open up ten minutes early in annoyance of people storming the fronts. Within the first 30 minutes I traded cash for tickets to over 25 guys back to back. Expecting to witness some grotesque displays , I was surprised to see that for the most part the booth goer’s just stood in the halls waiting for something, what? I am not sure. Well this all changed as soon as “Sloth” returned and stepped in the scene. Immediately aggressively attacking men with his dick trying to get a nut. This approach actually paid off this time as he did in fact end up getting one of the most disgusting blow job’s ever, as a elderly middle eastern man decided to do him that solid.I tried my hardest to ignore any and all activities that were going on in the booths from that moment. Shortly after that the stores sales picked up and I was flooded with customers buying things for bachlorette parties and the occasional vibrator or dvd. Then a German gentleman emerges from the booths asking about cockrings and for some reason he felt the need to get very close while talking and his breath literally smelled as if he had been eating dirty ass all day, I mean I have smelled some bad breath in my day but this guy’s truly did smell like honest to goodness shit. The thought that someone in the back honestly went as far as to do anything with this guy made me ill. As the shift came to a close nothing of too much significance occured other than dealing with a parade of man-hating lesbians searching for the perfect dick when something dawned on me. If these “Stud’s” get so much action and are so smart when it comes to the ways of pleasing a vagina , why do they not already have all the tricks and toys in their arsenal on top of the fact they normally really seem novice about it. I guess it’s true that if you talk a good game you will find someone stupid enough to believe your pitch and buy what you’re selling.
Sunday was a unusually boring morning as the booths were busy and the standard B.J. line was in order but sales were slow and for the first time since I have worked here “Comic Book guy” did not come in. I gotta say I was kinda disappointed, as In the past few weeks I have come to enjoy his visits as he at least likes to chat and it keeps me occupied on the slow Sunday mornings between exchanging cash for tickets. I sat bored and read a old copy of “The Crow” but finished it within an hour and then was left with nothing to do while waiting for someone to come and buy something or need assistance in doing so. Then this tweaker came in looking like the walking dead, Appearing as if he had just finished picking at his face since there was a big streak of blood flowing down one of his cheeks. I watched the guy carefully while helping another customer, As I felt him suspicious. It turns out my assumptions were correct as I was forced to stop him from trying to enter the arcade without paying the fee. “Excuse me sir, You have to pay to go in there.” , “Also you cannot bring merchandise back there with you, especially if you have not paid for it.” I said as he attempted to sneak in a pack of small magazines. He looked at me as if this was a odd request, Then said ok and went about looking at dvd’s. I knew the guy was going to try to steal the mags and I walked to the dvd section stood near him and straightened out the movies, When I noticed that the pack of mag’s had disappeared. “You gonna pay for those magazines?” , To which he replied “What magazines? I put those back.” I knew he had not because I was near him since he tried to enter the arcade , He had slipped them underneath his shirt while I was making my way over to him and I knew it. After I made the accusation, the guy got pissed off and headed for the door. I told him that he could pay for the mags , which at this point I could see sticking up underneath his shirt and silly looking Nascar jacket, or that he would not be welcome in the shop again. He denied such accusations and went about his way.
Monday, Was a interesting day as the booths were surprisingly slow but very active and once again I was “Lucky” enough to have witnessed the mating habits of the undercover gay sex fiend, As on two occasions I saw 3-way’s going on and one that resembled a human centipede. Both times the participants looked like illegal immigrants and only one of each group would likely admit to being homosexual as they were very feminine. Then for the first time a woman actually came in to the shop with the sole purpose of going to the booths. She was a burly looking lady and honestly I still am not sure if it was a man or just unfortunate looking woman in fact, but she paid and went to the back. To no bit of surprise not one guy approached her as perhaps she lacked the equipment the guys were looking for so perhaps she was in fact just a brawny lass. Throughout the remainder of the evening I was treated to having to deal with a plethora of the most annoying customers you could imagine. From folks asking advice only to shoot down anything I said in order to alert me that they know far more than me on the subject and that I did not know what I was speaking about, If that was the case then 1 why ask me if you know everything? and 2 why go with my suggestions at the end of the day? Then the most convenient last minute consumers who wait until 2 mins before I am closing up shop to arrive and pound on the door, demanding entry only to come in and not buy anything after several minutes of surveying the shop. One of these last minute customers looked awful familiar as I spot a Yellow jacket with blue sleeves and a giant M&M logo on the back. It was the mag thief from the night prior , though he had shaved his head. I tell him he must leave since he stole the mag’s . He denies this and as I am helping another customer I spot him walking off with yet another stack of small mags. Dammit! The sticky fingered perv strikes again! I am going to print his picture up and post it so he will forever go down in history as a lowly member of the coveted “Wall of Shame”.
As for Tuesday , nothing of real note took place as the shop was he slowest I have seen yet. Though I received two complaints about the booths, as men went on about how many of the folks in the booths were just hanging around and talking and fighting over who gets what booth and so on, I told he gents that they would need to tell me this while they were in the shop and not over the phone after the fact but that there was not much I could do unless they were physically fighting or trying to enter a locked booth. Though I had no problem enforcing the law on these regulars if it was brought to my attention while it happened. Then right as I was about to close, once again the store floods with last minute shoppers who want to rent videos and in 3 transactions in succession I had issues with these renters. First a guy who wanted to set up a accounts card declined causing a over ring, then a guy who was expired and fought about paying the membership fee, then a guy came in and bought a giant dildo (It’s for my girl, which no doubt means it is not) a pocket pussy , some lube and dvd’s . No doubt planning for an exciting evening at home. All seemed fine until I ring him up and he is short a dollar, “I can run out to get it…” I wait and he stares at me saying “Oh,you really want me to go get the dollar?” . I guess he expected me to pay i for him and after a discussion where he tried to convince me to let him take the items and he would “Come back” , I said screw it , wanting to go home and paid his remainder for him.
So the last few nights have been pretty bland for a job like mine and much of this is nitpicking . Here’s hoping something weird happens tonight as it is my last night before a day off , then I am working 7 days in a row. I just didn’t wanna keep the readers waiting as I will always try and come up with something to keep you all entertained and reading.
By the way, here is a tip for guys wanting to buy a dildo, for whatever reason. No one working at a sex shop is going to bat an eye for doing so but when you go out of your way to mention that it is not for you, especially when buying a rather large one. It makes it more than obvious that it is in fact for you. Newsflash! No one cares! just buy it and have fun, as long as you ain’t hurting anyone else, all is fine.